Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Soon It Will Be Knocking

                                           Soon it will be knocking at my garden gate
                                           It fills me with grief that has no name
                                           The remaining marigolds stands so straight
                                           Their brilliant orange warms them like a flame

                                           Bathed in the clear light of an autumn sky
                                           The lovely dahlias they too, will soon go
                                           When the evening comes and the winds die
                                           Oh if only there were an aftermath glow

                                           Pretty morning glories will close for good
                                           As the ice crystals cover each tiny stem
                                           The berries are already red on the dogwood
                                           As they welcome the little squirrels in

                                           Pretty flowers that have dotted the land so bold
                                           Will bow and make a grand exit like the rose
                                           As autumn's shadows turn to winter's cold
                                           My oh my how swift this beautiful season goes

                                           Though it may seem sad when all is gone
                                           And old Jack Frost covers instead of dew
                                           So much beauty known is yet to be shown
                                           When the spring returns and all is brand new

                                                © Susie Swanson, 2014

It's knocking at our door folks. They're calling for a few snow showers this weekend and a big freeze. I sure do dread winter but looking forward to making quilts. I done my PreOp today and the surgery is a go next week, the 6th.  Many thanks to all of you for your prayers and I'll be back soon feeling like brand new, minus a Thyroid Gland. Ya'll take care and I'll be around to visit your blogs soon. God Bless, ~ Susie

Monday, October 20, 2014

My Journey

Dear Friends,

I'm usually posting a poem or story on here and for once this is not the case. I've been wanting to write this for a long time but have been putting it off. My health issues prevents me from getting on here long at a time but I feel like this is long over due. First of all I'd like to thank each one of ya for the emails, cards and sweet messages ya'll have sent me and most of your prayers.. Ya'll mean so much to me and I cherish your friendship.

As most of ya already know I've been on a long journey this year and haven't been on here much. This journey started ten months ago and still ongoing. I've been to many doctors and had many tests and it took them till the first of August to find my problem. I've had Thyroid Disease for 22 years, Hypothyroidism, (Low) and all of my numbers were coming back good every time they checked them in my blood.
Back the end of July I was at my wit's end after being shuffled back and forth to many doctors and going to the ER four times with my Blood Pressure sky high that I finally.threw a hissy fit on my Primary Care doctor and told him I wanted him to check everything and anything to do with the glands, hormones, etc. WHAM, the long awaited mystery started coming to life.
 Let me explain first that anyone with any type of Thyroid Disease has what they call Antibodies and I'd never heard of them .Yep, after 22 years one should know all about them but no doctor had been willing to check them so how was I to know. I'd already been doing alot of research on the web. I guess you could call it looking for a diagnosis.

 He checked them among other things and they came back sky high, which meant something was terribly wrong but his words were , "I don't know what it means".  I went straight to my computer and pulled up Antibodies and it told me what I needed to know. My body was attacking my Thyroid Gland and destroying it. That's when something goes wrong with the immune system like a lack of Vitamin D and they'd already found that back in April.  He'd also told me I was in Full Blown Menopause. I blew a gasket for sure when he told me that. I said, "no way, I had a complete Hysterectomy  17 years ago and went through all of that". My research told me when the Thyroid gets messed up it throws off the hormones in our body. And everything else for the matter. The Thyroid controls our whole body from our head to our toes. I'd already found that out many years ago but I never knew just how important and how much damage it can do till now. So that meant going to a Gynecoligist and starting Hormone Shots once a month.

Then I really took the bull by the horns and went out on my own.  First, I found another Primary Care Doctor that was willing to listen to me and go farther by doing an Ultrasound on my neck and what she discovered wasn't pretty. My Thyroid was swollen and full of inflammation.
 She said I had some type of Thyroiditis and she didn't know what kind but I needed to see a Specialist right away. I told her I'd already seen four and she just looked at me when I told her.
 I took it upon myself to do what I had to do. After all it was my body and I was the one living in the agony of a diseased thyroid so bad that was sending me into a tail spin day in and day out. One minute I'm Hypo (Hypothyroidism) and the next Hyper (Hyperthyroism) . burning up with heat all day long with nary a drop of sweat  or freezing to death the next. When my feet hits the floor in the morning I never know what to expect. Everyday is a challenge and never ending battle. But there is light at the end of the tunnel Finally.

Who says ya can't get into a Specialist without a referral. I did and I found one that told me exactly what I had been  needing to hear and long over due. He said I had Hashimoto's Disease a type of Thyroditis that is the worst kind and the thyroid gland was burning itself out in my neck and had to come out .

The surgery has been set for November 6th for a Thyroidectomy (complete removal of the thyroid gland) .
I know my journey is not over but finally I can see the light and it's gonna take time for them to get me balanced out on my Thyroid Meds afterwards but Praise Be To God I'm on the right track.

I'm sorry to make this post so long and drawn out but ya'll deserve to know everything and this is just the icing on the cake. Ya'll wouldn't believe me if I told ya all of it cause I can't believe it myself. My goal now is to feel better again and get back to doing the things I love to do. I've missed so much but God has plans for me and he's been there every step of the way. There's been lots of days he carried me and he's not gonna drop me now. We serve an awesome God and his mercy is everlasting. I know in my heart there's lots of ya that are fighting your own battles and I want ya to know I'm sending up prayers for ya everyday. Just remember this, where there's a will, there's a way. My mama used to say this all the time and how true it is.

I'll close for now by saying many thanks to all of ya for your prayers. They have been heard and answered. I will be back as soon as I'm able and who knows between now and then I may be putting up more posts but if ya'll don't see me for a while at least you'll know I've not forsaken ya.

 God Bless, ~ Susie

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Word Backards

The word backwards only has one definition in the dictionary but it can mean lots of things. It also can be spelled anyway ya like and mean whatever ya want it too.
Example, “she fell backwards when she busted her hind end” or “she’s backwards when it comes to meeting people”. But the one I grew up hearing all the time and sayin was spelled b-a-c-k-a-r-d-s .

The older generation used the word backards all the time. My mama used to say, “uns younguns act plum backards sometimes”, or she’d say, “ya’ll are so backards it’s a wonder ya don’t crawl under the bed when someone comes to the door”. And the one I always liked the most, ‘ uns younguns have drove me so crazy everything I try to do is backards”. Mama sure knew how to use the word backards and used it quite often.

I’ll never forget when I was a young sprout and we got our first phone. It was an ole wall phone and none of us had any experience talkin on one. The first time it rung I ran and answered it backards. I tried to talk into the ear piece.  I kept sayin hello, hello and no one answered. One of my know it all brothers said, “turn it around ya got it plum backards”. I asked him how he got so smart all of a sudden.

Even when I got old enough to go out with boys I was backards as they come. I tried to pay my own way into the movies one time. Ole backards me didn’t know ya suppose to let the gentleman pay ya way. I felt like crawlin under a rock and stayin there.

I’ve come a long ways from being backards since I found out I had a mouth. Sometimes what I say may come out backards. That’s why I’ve told my family many times over the years to take me at what I mean, not what I say. I think the most of em have me figured out by now.

My daddy used to say I’d talk to the president if I ever run up with him and he wasn’t any different, the pot callin the kettle black. I can just hear daddy now, “being backards ain’t gonna get ya nowhere in life”.
There was nothing backards about daddy and everyone he ever came in contact with can attest to that.

But I do recall one incident of him being backards. He was plantin okra one spring and run out of seed before he got to the end of the row. He stuck a little stick in the ground where he left off at and when he came back to the row with more seed he started plantin it backards. He’d forgot which end of the row he started first. Mama told him, you’re plantin it backards and he wouldn’t listen. When that okra came up he had the prettiest and thickest half row of okra ya ever seen. Of course, he had to get down on his knees and crawl through the middle backards to thin it some.

I can honestly say I still feel backards when it comes to getting my picture taken. I’m not ashamed of what I look like but I fell kinda backards admiting it and I do look plum backards in most of em. I've either got my mouth wide open or my hair looks like it hasn’t been combed since a week from Sunday.

I’m my own worse critic about my clothes too, and if they don’t fit to a Tee I feel backards out in public.

So I guess I’ll have to admit that being backards is a hard nut to crack. It rears its ugly head when ya least expect it. But one thing I’ve learned, ya can go around backards all ya life and jump through hoops backards and it doesn’t really matter to anyone but you. There’s a lot more backards people in the world than we know. I can’t count how many times I’ve done stuff  backards or said the word backards instead of backwards.  Yep, that’s me, just ole backards.

                                                         © Susie Swanson, 2014

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Seasons Of Our Love

                                                       He came to me in the summer
                                                       when meadows were lush and green
                                                       my heart melted in his hands
                                                       a young woman, turned eighteen

                                                       Our love shined like the stars
                                                       under a clear, August sky
                                                       held captive by its presence
                                                       so beautiful, we couldn't deny

                                                       We walked together in September
                                                       when wild Asters were in bloom
                                                       a perfect show of Golden Rod
                                                       for an October bride and groom

                                                       Two hearts joined as one
                                                       I now carried his name
                                                       as October leaves were falling
                                                       before the first frost came

                                                       Through the cold, winter season
                                                       with wings against the wind
                                                       the radiance of love's embers
                                                       warmed our hearts once again

                                                       In the spring time of our love
                                                       the dawn washed it with crystal dew
                                                       it blossomed in rare form
                                                       like the flowers, it grew and grew

                                                       God surely did design it all
                                                       with his love, and us in mind
                                                       the seasons of our love
                                                       will continue to forever shine

                                                       © Susie Swanson, 2014

It doesn't seem like forty four years when a young woman and her soldier stood before God, family and friends and pledged vows that would last a lifetime. Time has passed and brought a few gray hairs and wrinkles but the love we both share grows stronger with each passing day.
Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband. I love you with all my heart.  Thank You so much for my beautiful Rose and for your enduring love. ~ Susie             10-10-70----10-10-2014


Sunday, October 5, 2014

Old Timey Meetins

I don’t reckon I’ve ever been in any better church meetings than when I was a young girl and we went to those spirit filled revivals and singings. The whole church house would rock from the preaching, shouting and singing. They were called meetins back then and everybody for miles around packed in those little churches and it was standing room only if one was lucky. A lot of the time most folks would just stand outside and listen.

I’ll never forget the night the Lord spoke to my heart. It was during one of those old, timey meetins that I hit that altar faster than a cat could lick. I was 13 years old and remember it as if it was yesterday. I got baptized in a little swimming hole called the Tadpole Hole.  In that moment in time my life surely changed and it gets sweeter by the day.

We had to walk to get to most of em but that didn’t sway anyone from going. Very few people owned a vehicle and there wasn’t many on the roads. 
I started out walking with my grandma when I was very young. There wasn’t any roads that were to long or wide for her to hoof it on. She was a shoutin woman for sure. She’d shout the hills out come Decoration Day and Dinner on the ground, and when we’d get in one of them kind of meetins she never stopped from the time she walked through the door, never knew when to hush. Mama and daddy went when they could but it was hard on em with a whole gang of kids to drag along.

After my grandma passed away things changed. More folks got a vehicle and were able to haul their families to church. My daddy loved a good old, timey spiritual singing better than anything. When he found out where one was gonna be, he’d always ask me if I wanted to go with him. Needless to say, me and daddy went to a lot of singings together.
He’d put on his Sunday go to meetin clothes which always consisted of his best pair of overalls, best shirt and his cap of course and his polished and shiny slippers.

 Daddy loved to run his mouth outside the church and knew everybody there and they knew him but when he entered the door and pulled his cap off he became a different man. I enjoyed those singings but I enjoyed watching daddy’s reactions too. He’d get in such a way and so caught up in that spiritual singing that it touched my heart so much and oh what joy just to see that smile come upon his face and watch him shake his leg , pat his foot or take his old cap and slap it against his legs. He really enjoyed it so much and had his own way of praising the Lord.

We’d go far and near in that old truck of his, didn’t matter what church or affiliation. He didn’t care how big the crowd was or how small, he made himself at home.
My grandma had her way and daddy had his way but I sure did enjoy going to those old timey, meetins and good, spiritual singings with daddy.

A lot of things have changed over the years but there’s still plenty of singings around and every time I go to one I think of daddy and can just see him there with that big smile, pattin his foot and slapping his cap against his legs. I know he’s there in spirit and enjoying it as much as me. I can only imagine the many singings he’s enjoying in heaven each day and mama’s right there beside him and they’ve both got a big smile on their face. I’ll see you both real soon, save a place for me in the front right beside both of you

                                       © Susie Swanson